i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
