Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
