She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
