He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize