I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
