WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
