and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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