I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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