Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
