i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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