listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
