after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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