I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
