So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
