TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
