At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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