Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
