You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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