i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
