census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
