I cockslap morals
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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