she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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