I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
