My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i think i just lost a toe
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
