You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Text me some of your sweat
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
