my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
