Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
