My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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