The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
