I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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