you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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