Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
