Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
