Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Small penises have feelings too.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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