i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
