I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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