I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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