According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
