mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
