If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
