saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
