There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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