I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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