i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
