Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
