you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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