please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
