Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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