I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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