he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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