he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
