if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So squirting runs in the family.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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