i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
