dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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