the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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