Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
