Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
