I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
