My hair reeks of homosexuality.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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