Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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