People in love make me want to vomit
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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