he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
