tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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