I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
