He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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