There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
