Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found puke in my bra..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
